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Crazy thoughts shoot through my head, bouncing off memories of you. What if I’d called sooner? I should have sent more little positive messages. I should have just asked permission to visit. If I had, you’d still be here, fighting. Then I wouldn’t have this huge ache inside. I recognize these thoughts as foolish, and I brush them aside. I focus on better, positive thoughts. On healthier imaginings. The other part of me is happy you no longer suffer. I couldn’t stand to hear you talk about the pain. It made me feel helpless, the simple words I had to offer seeming insignificant and paltry. The ache is eased simply knowing your pain is forever gone. I smile thinking of you reunited with your daughter. The daughter we all wanted, who left too soon. I can see you both, beautiful and happy, relaxing together in a warm, sun dappled meadow, finally at peace. I don’t know how long it will take for my pain to ease completely. It could be weeks, or years. I do know I will never forget. I’ll be at her side for the rest of my days or as long as she needs me, whichever comes first.” “You really mean that, Jack?” Tabby stirred enough to ask me. I truthfully told her, “Yes, Darling, I do, and you know I’ve never lied to you. I adore you, you are the most important person in my life.” This seemed to reassure her and she drifted off to sleep again. I would never even hope to fill that enormous void in her life her loving mom and dad had left, but at least she still had her buddy Jack who had always been there for her. I knew I would have to maintain a delicate balance between protecting Tabby and over protecting her, but I figured it was way too soon to worry about that. She was barely out of survival mode and needed all the reassurance and love I could give her. Our next visitor was John Kelly, the President of Bob’s police union. He sat several feet away after he realized his presence frightened Tabby. “She doesn’t remember me,” he told me, “but her dad was.
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